


Trying to fall out of love

by Akiko_kitsune



Category: Gintama
Genre: (Cause how can I have Bansai in fic and not make him pining for Takasugi), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comfort No Hurt, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Shouyou used to be his teacher, Shouyou/Takasugi is the endgame, Some cheezy gay bullshit here, Sorry Not Sorry, Takasugi is a pornstar, This fic is definition of self-indulence, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 20:49:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_kitsune/pseuds/Akiko_kitsune
Summary: When after years the teacher and his dearest student got a chance to talk without any third parties interrupting, it may turn out that there were so many things left unsaid between them.





	Trying to fall out of love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Selyann](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selyann/gifts).



> This fic is pure self-indulgence and thirst over my two best men. I'm posting it before it turns out to be over 50k, cause this story got some very sweet spot in my heart and could expand it endlessly. 
> 
> And I'm sorry for mistreating Bansai yet again...

"Shinsuke?"

Usually, Takasugi couldn't be happier than to hear this voice calling his name, but in given circumstances be wanted the ground to crack open and swallow him whole.

"Someone you know?" Bansai asked.

Takasugi pushed him to create more space between them. "Be quiet," he growled and turned to the one person that should have never met him like that.

Shouyou.

What was he even doing here? He rarely went outside school, not to mention openly wander around most crowded Tokyo streets.

Takasugi took a deep breath. He could try no matter how many times to close parts of his life in separate boxes, but it wasn't possible to keep everything in secret. Nothing could be that easy.

"Sensei," Takasugi forced his voice out. "What a surprise to meet you here." He kept side-eyeing Bansai. Luckily, that man was as emotionally expressive as a rock. Anyone else on his place would be already rolling on the ground laughing.

"I should go out more," Shouyou smiled. "Oh, are you in a hurry? I'm sorry to stop you out of nowhere."

"We're just off the work," Bansai said before Takasugi stopped him.

"Oh, and you are...?"

"His co-worker, Kawakami Bansai."

"Thank you for taking care of him."

"Oh, I do take care of him." He looked at Takasugi and if he had made even the slightest sign of smirking or laughing, Takasugi would rip him to shreds. Actually, he was already planning it out because of how he phrased that sentence. "If you don't mind," Bansai started giving Takasugi hope and then crushing it completely, "we can go out for a drink."

"There is no need..." he tried to save at very least his dignity, but Shouyou already went along.

"With pleasure. I was feeling a bit out of place here."

* * *

 

When they got to the bar, Bansai offered to go buy them whatever they wanted and took requests. He left Shouyou and Takasugi alone, but Takasugi didn't stay there for long excusing himself with: "I'll help him."

He wasn’t running away or hiding. He wasn't a coward. He needed only an additional moment to regain his composure. It was never happening to him if... if Shouyou wasn't involved. He was always catching him off-guard and... Whenever he smiled, Takasugi was getting lost in thoughts. That wasn't helping when he desperately needed a way out. These two parts of his life should have never met.

Speaking of which...

He glared at Bansai.

"Why are you angry at me?" the man asked slightly amused of the situation. Takasugi was definitely going to turn his life into misery. "I've given you a chance to talk to him. To that  _ sensei _ , you’re always talking about."

Takasugi hated when people were starting to know him too well.

"You could have not mentioned  _ work _ ."

"Would it be better if he didn't know?"

"Pray I won't bite your dick off next time I have it my mouth."

"I'm always praying for that," he said leaving.

Takasugi could do nothing, but to return to their seats. Walking that direction, he couldn’t help but keep his gaze on Shouyou. That man... He used to be Takasugi's teacher. He was... extraordinary. He stayed in the lives of many of his students. Always so gentle, supporting, reliable, proud. But in Takasugi's case, it wasn't only that.

It wasn't hard to guess what was truly going on. And as usual in this kind of cases, even if the whole world around knows, the other party involved was oblivious.

Takasugi shouldn't raise his hopes for anything. He was repeating that to himself for most of his life.

* * *

 

"I head out first," Bansai said after the second beer. "Tomorrow's work may turn out more risky than usual."

Shouyou didn't ask what he meant. Good. Deadman's words don't have any value.

"Everything's alright?" Shouyou asked after some time.

"Yeah. Sorry if I made you worry."

"You never mentioned your work."

Takasugi ran his gaze around everything possible. He needed a change of subject as soon as possible.

"Do any trains go at this hour?"

"I was planning on staying in Tokyo for a night."

"Oh... Where are you staying?"

"I don't know yet," he smiled.

Takasugi couldn't help but slightly smile too. Shouyou's sometimes carelessness even if used to drive him crazy back in the day, now felt so nostalgic.

"You can stay over at my place if you want..." Takasugi started without thinking. His mind was preoccupied with many things other than the words he was saying. How could he focus on anything when there was Shouyou so close to him?

* * *

 

 

Shouyou took a close look at his apartment. It was small, barely furnished, cause Takasugi didn't pay much attention to where he was staying, but at least he managed to keep some order thanks to that.

"Isn't it a bit lonely?" Shouyou asked.

That was the first thing everyone noticed coming over here. It looked  _painfully lonely_. There was no one in his life who stayed over for longer than a night. Even that barely happened.

"No. I'm good," he threw taking out a spare mattress that came with the furnishing of the apartment. Did he even buy anything more than was already there apart what Katsura nagged him to have in the kitchen? He didn't use of these anyway, so he couldn't even tell what he had there and what he didn't have there.

Slowly things started to order in Takasugi's mind. It was too suspicious for Shouyou to just happen to be around in Tokyo. Something was stinking here.

"They sent you up?"

"I also started to miss you." Shouyou smiled innocently.

Takasugi rolled his eyes. "Why?"

"When people are close, they care about each other and sometimes worry. There is nothing bad in it."

"It's annoying."

Shouyou crocked his head and looked softly at Takasugi. That was breaking him. He could try to pose it was all enerving and nothing else, but it was only like that cause he tended to forget there were people caring about him.

There were people caring about him.

"About work..." Takasugi started. It was better to say it. He was never good at keeping things from Shouyou, so at least he would save some nerves. "I'm a pornstar."

"That's an unusual career choice."

To put it mildly. It should have worked out differently. He should have gone to the university, got a degree, got a good job, got a better apartment and someone to share it with. But he screwed it up.

"What else could be expected from me?" Takasugi sighed.

Shouyou hit his head. "Don't talk lowly about yourself," he said tenderly. "Work is work. If it isn't bringing harm on you...?" Sudden worries stopped him from talking.

"You want to inspect my work environment, sensei?" Takasugi chuckled. Shouyou's expression turned hard to read, so he spoke again. "It's alright. I know how to take care of myself."

Somehow that statement arose worry. He really knew how to take care of himself. Maybe not in cases of furnishing a flat or keeping sleep schedule or eating... Okay, most of the life activities he was able to fulfil only thanks to other people in his life, but he wouldn't stay in the surroundings that brought any kind of harm onto him. Toxic family for 18 years was enough.

"You don't have to worry," Takasugi only added and left Shouyou.

* * *

 

Takasugi barely slept through the night. As always, but this time having someone in his apartment... having Shouyou in his apartment was keeping his mind awake.

He heard in the morning some noises indicating Shouyou woke up and pretty much felt like home. It was probably the most pleasant out of all morning noises. Hearing that there was someone else in that greyness unbeaten yet by the sun, who wandered around on the top of his toes not to wake up the other person.

Takasugi got up late even if he was pretty much awake for hours. He was just following the usual routine. He dragged himself out of the bedroom. Shouyou was still around. It seemed like a dream - seeing him here.

"I wanted to make something for breakfast but I couldn't find anything..."

"Cause there was nothing."

"... So I went shopping for a few things."

Takasugi only watched without further interrupting as Shouyou took over his kitchen and made them something for breakfast. Maybe he froze like that cause it felt like coming back in time. How many times in his youth Takasugi ended up running away from home and crushing at Shouyou's place for a night… Too many for a usual teacher-student relationship. Maybe Shouyou spoiled him letting him get so close.

"You're still worried about me?" Takasugi asked.

"Why haven't you said anything about your work before?"

Takasugi frowned. Shouyou and his dodging questions.

"Maybe I wanted you to see the best side of me. And there is some stigma with that kind of work..."

"You know I would never judge you."

"And it feels so surreal I’m afraid you start if I cross some line."

"You'll be always one of my dearest students."

That was going to change soon. It was only some misconception Shouyou was still believing in.

"I'm going to work, do you still want to inspect it?" Takasugi teased. He could have imagined what would be the outcome.

* * *

 

The work was hell at the beginning. Takasugi was never that self-conscious during it. He knew how to dissociate from it. How not to care about being nude and not to care about others being less clothed that decency would suggest. But knowing Shouyou was somewhere seeing him like that.

Yet, all Takasugi needed a little change in thinking to rearrange everything back in order.  _ Let's give him a good show to remember when he throws me away  _ \- kind of attitude. 

And so, Takasugi stretched towards Bansai and handled the scene. Maybe he was a show-off a bit.

He kept his eyes away from Shouyou. He wasn't even sure if he was still around. Maybe he left. Probably. Who wanted to look at something like that.

But he was good in what he was doing no matter what anyone could think taking other factors in account. Takasugi only needed to look into Bansai's eyes to know it. To see how some people were looking at him like he was a god. Good. That how they should be looking at him. Even if he was on his lowest.

Bansai knew so much of his ups and downs, but that day... Takasugi really outdid himself. The poor man couldn’t keep his hand to himself between the cuts. He caressed Takasugi's cheek in between a few times. He couldn't help it.

"Maybe you should bring him in more often?" Bansai whispered to tease him. That was his biggest asset in this work and probably life - no matter how much he just wanted to drop on his knees before Takasugi, he was still able to tease him a bit and kept from having the satisfaction of having power over any men. Even if that was true.

Takasugi dug his nails in his bare hip. "Any other suggestion?"

Bansai grit his teeth. It wasn't the first time he got punished like that. He sometimes ended with red scratched marks that couldn’t fade for days. He was well aware that he was playing with fire.

Takasugi took a robe and covert himself. He didn't stop feeling a bit self-conscious. Only then, when the work was over for that day, he dared to look if Shouyou was still around.

He was. He chatted with Matako. When he realised he was watched, he looked back at him and smiled.

The word surreal was going to lose its meaning in Takasugi’s mind. He was repeating it in his thoughts too much since Shouyou showed up. Everything in well-ordered life got rearranged. But that was how it always was with Shouyou. Takasugi could never understand what he was thinking about until he with time took the same mindset himself.

Maybe that how it was when you let people into your life.

Takasugi came to Shouyou.

"How was I?" he smirked, but he didn't expect any answer.

Good, Shouyou wasn't sure what he should say.

"It's less sexy if you see everything behind the scenes," Takasugi spoke again.

"They care about you so much here."

"I guess. I wouldn't do it if I was treated badly. I’m not that in desperate need for cash. I have some savings and my family after all didn't disown me. They always can, but if I have enough money to support myself even without work for a year then I don't have to worry about it."

"It's good you found some peace in your life."

"I wonder if I really did it..."

* * *

 

"What is still wrong?" Shouyou asked when they got back to Takasugi's apartment.

"Huh?"

"Since you seem to like your work, you have financial stability, your terms with your family aren't best but better than used to, you're still friends with Gintoki and others, also your coworkers seemed nice..."

"I'm not in a place to complain, huh?" Takasugi interrupted him.

"That isn't what I mean. I..." This time Shouyou stopped himself. "I'm really invading your privacy this time."

"I don't mind," Takasugi said before thinking. Maybe he dodged good opportunity to run away from some hard question, but if Shouyou wanted to know anything... Takasugi didn't mind it. He would tell him anything.

"You don't seem happy. And I thought if there is anything... I maybe am able to help, at least to advise you someway."

Oh, Shouyou...

_ Don't raise your hopes _ , Takasugi reminded himself.

"I fell in love once and I still trying to fall out of it," he kept his voice emotionless.

"Why do you need to fall out of love?"

"I don't think it would work in any scenario. I was a kid back then, so what have I known about love?"

"And now?"

"And now I've complicated it."

That got Shouyou thinking. He knew Takasugi for so long and so close, he probably felt it was strange he couldn’t pinpoint who he was referring to. That kind of questions was tricky. Figuring someone else’s answers was as close to the truth as poor guesses.

Shouyou came to the same conclusion and gave up. “Who is that person?"

"Since I'm showing off all aspects of my life to you, I should let it out too?"

Shouyou moved back. That was truly insensitive from his side to force that out of his student. This two areas of life should be held separate. For Takasugi they were never separate.

"You," he confessed. "You're the one I can't fall out of love with. You're my stupid never-ending childhood crush."

Shouyou watched him astonished. From all possibilities he came up with, that one was so unlikely he probably didn't even consider it. Yet, that was the truth. And Takasugi wanted to curl down somewhere and hide. He wasn't best at baring his feelings even towards Shouyou before whom he was more open than before anyone else.

"I think I'm still in love with you," he felt that he needed to underline it. He caught a few short glances of Shouyou. He didn’t know how to read his expression.

"It was like that since...?"

"Always?" Takasugi just breathed out. His eyes were longing more and more for Shouyou even if he had to bear all the shame from having his feeling exposed. Maybe it was causing his behaviour. The heart was taking over the mind. He should find a way out, step back, let it cool down… Everything was already spilt, there was no way to hide from it, so if he was going to burn, he moved even closer to the sun. Maybe this one time he would be able to reach it. Even if that would be the end.

"Sensei... What do you think of this discipline after all you've seen and heard today?" Takasugi asked since the man hadn't spoken for long. But when Shouyou wanted to say something, he stopped him. He couldn’t face it after all. He couldn't face what probably was the answer. So he let the emotions take over again and make everything worse. He moved closer to Shouyou. "Give me one night. We're both adults now and if you still aren’t gross-out by me to the point of leaving, it's worth a try... At work, I'm always in control. Now I wonder how it would be for a moment to lose control."

"I don't think I could take care of you so good as he did."

"He's only someone I work with, not my lover." Though Takasugi knew Bansai's answer might be more complicated.

"Is there anyone else?"

"In work? Rarely. In life? No one."

Painfully lonely as his apartment was letting everyone around know. There was no one ever in Takasugi’s life, or rather in his heart apart from Shouyou. So maybe no one should wonder why when he could finally felt someone's body warmth, he couldn't stop himself. He moved forward. To put his lips on Shouyou. And praying with all his might not to be pushed away. But frankly, that was what he deserved.

Takasugi deepened the kiss feeling no resistance. The more he kissed Shouyou, the more something else was becoming clear. Takasugi had enough experience to catch that. It was probably worse than anything he was thinking about.

"Sensei... You were never with anyone?" He moved back a bit. He took advantage of the only person that was ever dear to his heart. How much more he can screw up for one day?

"There wasn't the right person, I think. I never had such intention towards anyone..." Shouyou mentioned typical responses. Life went different ways for everyone and there was nothing to be ashamed of. Also, the first times didn't have much charm. They were messy, quick, no one knew what to do and often ended with one person slightly hurt, but faking it not to destroy everything. But Takasugi felt awful for asking for something like that. It felt like asking for too much.

But then Shouyou said something more: "And I think I was trying to fall out of love," he lightly smiled remembering that was the phrase Takasugi had used.

"From who are you trying to fall out of love?" It was too surreal to try to guess.

"... from you."

"I’ve never noticed."

"Good. A student shouldn't know this side of his teacher."

"Why you've never told me?" Takasugi had to ask. He could understand that the teacher-student relationship could be considered troublesome, immoral. He was just a brat back then. But it was years ago. Since they were still in touch why Shouyou never tried anything if he was still feeling something towards him?

"Maybe I wanted you to see the best side of me."

How Shouyou could even think....? Oh. That probably went both ways too. They turned out just to be a couple of dumbasses, in the end.

Takasugi burst into laughing. “We are no good at all,” he leaned on Shouyou.

“We might have got lost a bit along the way.”

“And we’re finding ourselves now?”

“Probably.”

“That’s good. That’s the only thing that matters.” Takasugi looked up at Shouyou. Even if that felt the most surreal out of all that happened in the last 24 hours, he felt like he fell for him a little bit more. “Do you want to stay here?"

"I do."

"And do you want...?" Takasugi bit his lip.

"I do."

Takasugi moved closer. Right to Shouyou's lips. He put his arms around his neck. He ran his fingers through his hair. Everything in him finally relaxed. Like a growing wave break upon the shore and flooded everything around.

They moved to the bedroom. After all these years of pining for each other, it almost felt too easy. Why didn’t they try to do it sooner? Why didn’t they ask for it? Why didn’t they say anything? But it wasn’t in fact easy. There were only moments when their bodies just knew what to do and move on their own to learn how the other’s skin felt like. In between, there was so many thoughts in their heads, so many doubts and unsureness.

But they were both in it. Bare and open. And when one was falling, the other had his arms ready catch him.

"No matter what side you let me see, it's always going to be the best one, because it's yours and that's all that matters to me..." Takasugi reassured 

His hands moved to the Shouyou's shirt. He removed it slowly. When he pushed it down, he couldn’t help but to reach his hand and moved along the muscles lines.

Holy shit. 

If he'd got to see that before, he wouldn't wait this long to drag Shouyou to his bedroom. Damn. Maybe even the bedroom wouldn't come to his mind...

But since they happened to be there, Takasugi knew well what to do. He pushed him lightly to sit on the bed and then he removed his own clothing. Shouyou wasn’t looking. Too unsure to stare. Takasugi would make him look at him and forget about everything else in the world soon.

He moved close and kissed him. His lips already learnt the way to Shouyou's.

"Look at me," Takasugi asked quietly. He had his doubts too. He was afraid of what this gaze was going to bring. It shouldn't be bad, but something irrational in him was keeping his mind in the bad place.

Shouyou raised his amber eyes on him.

Takasugi bit his lip. He had never thought these eyes would look at him like that. They were a bit unsure, slightly shy, it was his first time after all. But that wasn't the most important for Takasugi, that wasn't what made his heart skip a beat.

Shouyou was so charmed by him.

Takasugi moved onto his lap and kissed him. In perfect natural motion. And as deepened the kiss he slipped his hands into his hair. Pulled him closer. Felt his body warmth on his. He would never move back from this state if his doubts didn’t rush in again. He wasn’t backing off. He only needed to take a good look of Shouyou expression to know if everything was still alright.

It was. Also, there was a spike of hunger in his eyes. Takasugi could work on bringing it out more.

"How was it?” he asked playing with Shouyou’s hair. “Watching how someone else had me?"

"I wanted to touch you like he was..."

"And what was it?"

Shouyou caressed Takasugi's cheek. Oh, that. That Bansai's caress between the scenes from Takasugi was mostly moving back. Now he leaned into it. He wanted to feel the warmth of these hands. He wanted to be held and caressed.

So shameful. Like a cat in heat. He needed to at least play pretend everything was alright and he could pull it longer. Not like he was already melting into a pool.

"Only like that?" he teased.

Shouyou moved his hand down his neck to his chest. His gaze followed and that hunger in them grew.

Oh, God. If he only looked up...

He did. Shouyou looked up into Takasugi's eyes. His gaze was no longer so lost and unsure. He knew what he wanted to take.

And Takasugi let him. He put his arms around him to pull him closer. He shifted closer on his lap. If he only knew before how muscular his tights were and how these muscles tensed underneath him.

Takasugi reached for the lube. He loosened himself up. He got experience in that. He took the condom and put it on Shouyou's.

Shouyou pushed him down. Takasugi didn't expect it. It took his breath away. It had to be a dream. Reality never fulfilled so many fantasies at once.

Shouyou took time. Finger after finger, angle by angle, he looked for the best combination. When he did, Takasugi felt like losing his mind.

"I want you inside," he whined.

Shouyou was still spoiling him so much. He quickly fulfilled that request and thrust in. Takasugi had taken bigger, but he filled him so good. He wrapped his arms around him. He wanted him closer and closer until nothing can ever separate them.

Shouyou's hands that were losing their gentleness and grabbed on his tights. There were going to stay bruises. He loved it. Letting someone overpower him, make him got lost in the game he was master of.

Shouyou lasted longer than Takasugi. He just took his pliant, oversensitive body and worked it a few more times.

That was heaven. Literally. Someone made a mistake and delivered his soul to heaven.

Well, he could enjoy it for as long as it was going to last.

“Are you alright?” Shouyou murmured. Could his voice sound get any more sexy? Hope not, that would bring disasters onto young hearts. Well, it already did.

“I’m good. It was good.” Takasugi moved closer making himself a good place to sleep as close as he could to Shouyou.

“We should probably take a shower…”

“Too tired.”

“So am I,” Shouyou sighed and gave up.

So that was the first time… Takasugi was first to see how Shouyou moved his hair back and leaned to kiss him? How he laid next to him wrapping around one of his arms? How he sleepily kissed his temple? How his fingers rubbed against his nape?

That was better than anything he had dreamt for.

* * *

 

Takasugi woke up in the morning. He growled not liking being awake. But when he shifted a bit to the right, he felt Shouyou. His arm was under him. The other on his side letting Takasugi watch his bare chest.

_ So it wasn't a dream? _

Takasugi felt as even his body was remembering last night.

Soon Shouyou woke up. His eyelids flickered getting used to the light. Soon these amber eyes focused on Takasugi. His lips curved in a warm smile.

"Do you have work today?"

"No."

"I was just wondering if we have to get up."

"Never."

"We'll get hungry at some point..."

"But not anytime soon." Takasugi nuzzled into Shouyou's chest. That was becoming his favourite place to be. Close to warm skin, hearing regular beats of his heart and being surrounded by so strong arms.

* * *

 

"Why didn't you go to university?" Shouyou asked after breakfast.

"Why are you asking about it now?"

"I didn't dare before. It was your choice and I didn't interlude in. But... You were my most talented student."

"You don't worry about pampering me too much?" Takasugi moved closer to Shouyou. "I'm making all that potential got lost, huh?"

"Important is finding to that makes you happy, nothing else, so taking other route isn't in any way shameful..."

"You're talking about someone who plays in porn."

"Shinsuke."

"Okay,” he sighed and moved back a bit. “I wanted to apply to university, that was the plan. But I changed my mind at the last moment."

"Why?"

"My parents. Saying they are going to disown me took its effect."

"We could have tried to support you if..."

"Friendship doesn't pay bills. When the only people that should care, don't, then is there anyone who is going to? I prefer to stand on my own feet even if it would be low or shameful than wait as everyone let me down..."

"If only I knew..."

"Then what? It's only some irrational thought crumbling in my mind. There is barely anything to do about it. I just needed to make myself a life where I don't have to rely on anyone."

Shouyou stayed silent and finished his tea.

"Is  _ it _ going to last...?"

There were many thoughts coming through is mind. Like it was only a one night stand and they would try to forget about it, that thought made everything else taste bitter. Like Shouyou would soon get back and Takasugi would be left behind, that clenched his heart. Like even if they tried working it as long distance thing, it would wither one day, so maybe why they would try it in the first place. He couldn't find anything positive in his head. 

"I got promoted lately." Of course, change of subject. Classic Shouyou’s move that all his students picked up. "I got an offer of work in Tokyo."

_ What? _

"You're staying?" Takasugi blurred out.

"I didn't want to get that proposition, but... Now I start wondering about it."

"Why?"

"I was afraid of leaving my students behind, but that's a part of being a teacher, watching as kids grow and go to the world. And my students are here too. You are here."

"So you want to...?"

"To stay here with you."

Takasugi could feel as he was melting.

"And try whatever  _ this _ is?" Takasugi barely spoke.

"Love isn't a good word to call it?"

"I think it's perfect."

* * *

 

“Prepare to die,” Takasugi threw grimly when he got to meet with Gintoki and Katsura.

“Geez, can’t you grow up from your emo phase already?”

"You set us up."

"Maybe," Katsura threw.

"Why? You… You knew about...?"

"Such a degenerate like you couldn't end up in any decent way."

"Gintoki came across one of... your videos," Katsura said putting his teacup down.

"Oh... I wonder how you came across it..." He didn't. He didn't want to hear anything about it. But it was a good way to bite back on him a bit.

"Shut up."

"Still, why did you get involved?"

"You don't know how to use a microwave, that might be a clue, dipshit."

"You could get to Tokyo University if only you applied. But you didn't. Anywhere."

Takasugi stayed silent. They had argued about it too many times already. He ran out of arguments.

"And Shouyou didn't want to pick up that new position even if it is well-deserved promotion."

"Why?"

"You know he didn't want to leave his students behind. Even if all his students were pushing him to take it. He was wasting himself in our small town."

"Oh, that town was a shithole," Gintoki added in.

"So he needed some more pushing."

"And how you know this would work?"

"You two were always all ooey-gooey for each other."

"And painfully lonely."

"You're that much better dating widows?" Takasugi raised his brew.

"I'm just hearing them out... At least I date sometimes."

Okay. Point taken.

* * *

 

"It was good to work with you," Bansai threw.

It sounded too suspicious to let it slide. 

"Why are you getting so touchy-feely with me now?"

"You're going to quit, right?"

Takasugi didn't answer. He did think about it. It was something pulling him down, but knowing himself it was only an excuse. If he quitted, he would soon find something else to hate about himself. And that work wasn’t bad. He was taken good care of, everyone already learnt how not to piss him off and he maybe wasn’t in desperate need, but he could always find some use for cash.

He didn't want to lose the stability it offered him.

"What if I didn't quit?" he threw.

"Then?"

"Would you be okay with  _ that _ ?"

"Seeing you happier than you used to be? I think I'll be okay with that."

* * *

 

"I'm going to apply to university. But. I'm not quitting my work."

"Okay."

"I wanted to set straight what... what I have to offer if it turns out it bothers you..."

Feeling Shouyou could leave his life was even worse than ever before. He would do everything to stop him. He would even get on his knees and beg. So humiliating.

"Shinsuke... I don't own you. You can make your own choices and if it isn't harming you, I won't oppose it."

"Okay... okay," Takasugi just rested his head on Shouyou's shoulder. "I would have done anything to make you stay."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Please stay," he kissed him.

"I will."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Lately, I'm spending tons of time doing last edits to my BA thesis and studying to exams, so sorry if out of tiredness the quality drops sometimes... Still, I hope you like it. Comment (concrits are welcome) or reach out to me on Twitter @AkikoKitsune


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